There was a married couple sleeping and a psycho killer entered into their house. The killer put a knife to the neck of the woman and said, “I like to know the names of my victims before I kill them, what is your name?”
“My name is Elizabeth,” the woman replied.
The killer said, “You remind me of my mother who was also named Elizabeth, so I can’t kill you.”
The killer then turned to the husband and asked, “What is your name?”
“My name’s Phillip, but my friends call me Elizabeth, too.”
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In the middle of the night, middle of nowhere, two cars both slightly cross over the white line in the center of the road. They collide and a fair amount of damage is done, although neither is hurt. It’s impossible to assess blame for the accident on either however.
They both get out. One is a doctor, one is a lawyer. The lawyer calls the police on his car phone; they’ll be there in 20 minutes.
It’s cold and damp, and both men are shaken up. The lawyer offers the doctor a drink of brandy from his hip flask, the doctor accepts drinks and hands it back to the lawyer, who puts it away.
“Aren’t you going to have a drink?” the doctor says.
“AFTER the police get here” replies the lawyer.
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A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture of a naked woman with only her privates covered with leaves. The wife doesn’t like it and moves on but the husband keeps looking.
The wife asks, “What are you waiting for?”
The husband replies, “Strong Wind”.
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Miao's:
A man walks into a fish and chip shop with a fish under his arm.
"Do you have any fishcakes?" he asks.
"Yes, of course," says the fish shop owner.
"Great," replies the man, nodding at the fish under his arm, "It's his birthday."
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